Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Wait for the beep

I have a real hate-hate relationship with my land line these days, no doubt because I'm the stay-at-home hausfrau who's the target of all the survey calls, political robocalls, credit card bullshit calls, stupid magazine subscription calls and—I'm sorry but I have to say it—annoying calls from charitable organizations (I'm looking at you, Nature Conservancy!). When I hear the phone ring, my hackles go up immediately and I'm sure my friendly greeting reflects that (I channel J. Jonah Jameson from the 1960s Spiderman cartoons, which we're currently rewatching on Netflix—sadly the robocallers are not intimidated). Many before me with far greater understanding of technology have noted that the phone is practically obsolete; only old people have land lines now, and medium-old people like us. Lindsay has some cockamamie reason for maintaining ours—something about the sound quality being better on the land line but since he almost never talks on the phone at home, and when he does it's on his cell, and really he just texts, I don't know why he cares.

Despite how much I hate the phone, I have a deep affection for the quaint accessories that go along with obsolete technologies. Do you remember your first answering machine? Did it not blow your mind? This commercial for a cassette with pre-recorded answering machine messages might just be my favorite commercial of all time. Wow, did we used to think it was funny—the dude was rapping—though we never actually did buy the product. I'm also a sucker for little wooden message-holding tchotchkes like this one, which sits on the kitchen counter next to my ugly cordless phone, collecting dust rather than messages. Who takes messages anymore? Who leaves them? Who has the patience to even listen to a voicemail? What hath God wrought?

Notice the phone in this commercial? It looks remarkably like San Antonio's Most Famous Flamenco Dancer's phone, which I bought a few months ago.

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